I apologize in advance for the long answer but this one struck a nerve.
Not all, but some kids are being raised to feel as “peers” to their parents and equals to any adult with no hierarchy of respect built in to help balance out their natural impulses. We all thought in our heads of the mean things we would say to an adult in charge who angered us if we only dared…today there is no hesitation. Kids need to learn to navigate the world and being part of a community with boundaries is an important part of that. If they can't learn to manage their natural impulsively with adults in their childhood, they'll cuss out a boss and get fired or hit someone too hard in anger and go to prison.
Now kids have every privilege an adult has but none of the responsibilities. Many are their own boss in their households, they don't have to do their homework if they don't want to because parents aren't backing the teacher up and they eat sweets as part of their daily diet as opposed to a treat or dessert (the food companies even add sugar in non-sweet daily staples where you wouldn't expect it to be).
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More recently, there has been a shift in not only parenting styles but in children's exposure to and access to previously considered “adult themes”. Most were in bed before non-family programming came on and children and adults had completely separate social circles and activities where the two worlds didn't often meet outside of the family structure. (A study found 12 years old is the average age of first exposure to porn on the internet today but that's a whole different post) That's all old fashioned now and a mute point, however, the change has created a difference.
Now, even when they are old enough to have the responsibilities that go with adulthood they don't want them. They've had all the same privileges for so long, why would they be ok with someone piling a bunch of crap like work, rent, paying for food and entertainment on them now just because they turned 18, or 21 or 28?! They still want to be treated as children not responsible for their actions because there never was an incentive on their part to grow up.
Children used to eagerly wait to become older so that they could enjoy the privileges they perceived adults to have…staying up late, eating sweets or whatever they wanted, not having homework and being their own boss, among others. In the past kids worked toward achieving these goals more quickly by demonstrating that they were responsible and capable with chores and being “big” (helpful). We all wanted these “privileges” until we got them of course. Being “big” in reality came with bills and certain responsibilities that we never saw our parents do behind the scenes. Then we longed for the relative carefree years of our youth.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
They don't have to wait for much of anything in this instant phone/internet world where the scenes change so fast onscreen that kids brains become accustomed to firing neurons, receiving stimuli and processing info so quickly that a normal human teacher's speech and movement in a classroom is almost “slow motion” in comparison. Class can certainly be “boring ” compared to that and they have trouble concentrating, sitting still and following along. I am not qualified to diagnose but I personally wonder if many attention deficit diagnoses aren't actually the true disorder but seem so due to this phenomenon.
The boundaries used to start at home with parents. Then, when they were no longer enforced at home, the boundaries existed at schools. When parents refused to allow teacher's to enforce behavior consequences there, they found the final boundaries in law enforcement. Children need structure and schedule for optimum growth and health. They want to know there are boundaries because that makes their world feel safe. In their hearts they know they should not be in charge so they push and act out to find who is. It's the ultimate imposter syndrome for them and it's sad.
